Self-Love Advice: Stop Trying to be Happy

Happiness is fleeting. It is something that a lot of people yearn for, but don't consistently experience. Sometimes, one's happiness is the only thing that gives meaning to their lives. So when they do not achieve it, that's when it truly becomes a problem. 

When you are so angry that you want to throw a punch at your neighbor's kid who keeps throwing stones at your house, you forget about boundaries. You become so self-absorbed that you forget how your actions affect the people around you. 

How would you feel if it was your neighbor who punched your kid on the face? You would be angry and out for blood. You inhabit the feeling of anger as if there is nothing in this world that could make you happy. 

You get angry, but then the feeling goes away. It is the same as when you feel happy. It's like you are happy one minute, and then you are not satisfied the next. 

They say that a happy person does not worry about if he is happy or not because he knows that he is. "Happiness" is more than being happy; it's about peace of mind, satisfaction with the self, and continuing to grow as a person. It can't be strong-armed, and it isn't some trophy a the end of a tunnel. When you stop trying to force happiness into some sort of goal, you'll find that you're a more positive and resilient person.

How do you find happiness?

Where do you begin your search for joy and happiness? Finding happiness is not something you have to achieve in and of itself. Instead, it is the effect of the life experiences that you go through. The feeling is in itself teaching you how to not care about what others say about you. Sometimes, thinking about what others have to say puts you in a position where you begin to doubt yourself, thus usurping your happiness. Pretty much, stop caring what others think of you, and you'll be happier. 

How to not care about happiness

As said before, happiness shouldn't be seen as a goal. If you live your life with the idea that "when I do this thing, I'll be happy," you'll never be happy. Every time you achieve your new goal, this glee will last for the moment, but then will dissipate, leaving you feeling empty and perhaps disappointed. Instead of focusing on attaining happiness through things outside of yourself, stop caring about whether or not something will make you happy. Instead, try to achieve peace and calm or excitement.

Another barrier to finding happiness, the idea of joy sold widely as the attainment of material things or worldly goals. When you buy this, you will be happy. If you eat this, you will feel thrilled. Although these things can bring pleasure to people, it is not the kind of joy that lasts. 

Remember that there is no amount of money that could buy you the kind of peace of mind that you want in life. So instead of saving up for that car that promised you pure bliss, go ahead and get your life in order. That's where true happiness will manifest. 

Are happiness and pleasure the same?

When people begin their search for happiness, they are actually seeking pleasure. Some go for more food. Others look for great sex. And then some wish they had more time for themselves to watch movies or attend parties with their friends. Pleasure can come in so many different forms, but happiness does not. 

While pleasure may seem to put you in a happy mood, happiness is something that puts you in a positive disposition. Engaging in something pleasurable may give you joy, but it does not necessarily mean that one is the same as the other. Pursuing pleasure may give a person a sense of fulfillment, but it only lasts for a moment. For example, when you go home after a night of partying, you may find yourself alone and lonely, not happy. But when someone seeks for real happiness, they stop caring about the things that don't actually matter at all and start working towards the things that will continue to bring them this real joy.

Pleasure is a false form of happiness. It is everything that does not spell happiness in the long run. It is temporary, and it is superficial. Sometimes, pleasure makes a person feel more emotionally unstable, but in the long term, it could make them feel less happy. For example, if you are looking for comfort strictly through hot sex and not a real connection to people, you may find yourself alone after the act. Sex is a great thing, but can't bring you lasting satisfaction. You will always want more.

People often fixate on the idea of pleasure to find happiness for themselves. The secret to happiness does not rely on whether or not something is pleasurable. While fun may be necessary, happiness always requires something more. 

What does happiness mean to you as an individual?

Every person has their own idea of what makes them happy. There is not one single thing that makes everyone feel joy. However, learning how to move past disappointments and failures can be a massive step in the right direction.

Many people grew up in an environment where adults (parents, teachers, family members, etc.) told them that they were special. These kids who were repeatedly told how smart they were for their age, grow up to have high expectations of themselves. They think they have the power to change the world and make it better for everyone.

However, when they fail to achieve their goals, they think they have failed as a person. They begin to question if they indeed are unique, smart, or special. But, if you've ever felt this way, you should give yourself more credit. While, at first, you may seem like a failure, but because you took the risk and soldiered on until you couldn't anymore, your efforts should be appreciated. 

Every failure in life teaches a person more than what any success could. Failures allow people to look past what has been done and focus on doing something new in order to improve today. The inability to meet one's expectations of himself does not mean they can never be happy in life. 

One should be able to look back and tell himself how proud he is for even trying. Then, when they start to try again, that's when true happiness and satisfaction is achieved. Not only has the person learned his lesson, but he has found the courage to try again. That's what true happiness is all about. 

However, this does not mean that you should lower your expectations. You may not have achieved what you wanted to during the first try, but this should not point you in the direction of taking something less. Instead, it should teach you to aim for something different, considering you are more equipped with strategies and skills to do better. 

So instead of settling for something less, aim for something more. Look higher and be better. Enjoy the whole process of learning, and soon, you will discover what could genuinely make you happy. 

Learn from it—live life. Accept the love and relationships that the universe has for you. Happiness is worth discovering for yourself. It is a fantastic opportunity to move past your expectations and do better.